My dear friend is expecting a baby in the Spring. She and her husband are lovely and loving, eco-concious, and economical. They are also not American, but find themselves living in New York.
As they prep for their baby's arrival, they are questioning the whole registry process, baby shower traditions and oodles of stuff syndrome that seems to run rampant. To try to be helpful, I sent her my excel sheet with all the things purchased or gifted for our Baby A. It was thorough and comprehensive with recommendations on brands, how or when to use things, and places to buy them. It was something that was passed to me by a friend, who received it from a friend. So it is a real mom mind trust.
“I promise, no sheet pattern makes 4 a.m. easier and no stroller’s folding system matters when your baby has their first fever. ”
But it is also kind of absurd. Until fairly recently, babies used to sleep in drawers and have a toy or two - like a rattle or rag doll - to entertain them outside of their own hands, feet and mother's face. In going through postpartum doula training, there is no section on swings or kick'n'play keyboards. No time devoted to exersaucer vs. jumparoo. So, to send a list of more than 50 things struck me as ridiculous and it got me thinking, what does my friend really need? A fierce love, a clear mind, a strong body and a stronger spirit, a heart full of confidence, and a home full of peace. So much of that comes from the opposite of stuff. It comes from time with your baby and serene and ordered surroundings. It comes from realizing that you are what your baby wants, not multiple $200 top-of-the line swings.
After some reflection, below is my list for bringing home baby. The other stuff can and may come later, but as far as I am concerned, these are the essentials:
1. WARMTH: Besides the obvious warmth of a mother and father's touch and skin and love, babies will need a few outfits to start. Chances are people in your life whether solicited or not, will get you clothes. And chances are that those clothes will be for the first few months.
Sidenote: The next time you buy clothes for an expecting mom or couple, please get them something seasonally appropriate for when their child is size 6-12 months. You'll be awesome and adored for it.
Your baby in the first 0-12 weeks will need seasonally appropriate clothing plus one layer. Here is an overview of musts: 2-3 sleeping gowns for easy nighttime diaper changes, 6 sleepers (meaning full arms and legs with feet), one pack of kimono tops or snap tees to use until the umbilical cord falls off, 2-3 pair of pants, a few pairs of socks, 1-2 hats, and 6-10 receiving blankets. If it is winter, you want fleece sleepers, summer then cotton, winter you want long sleeve kimono tops, summer can be short. If winter, you'll need some sort of infant bunting to go outside for essential trips. If summer, you'll want to keep baby out of the sun, so be sure to have a hat with a brim on their head and light receiving blanket over the baby if wearing them or the sun shade down on the stroller.
2. MOVEMENT: This is a full category because I mean all kinds of movement. So, in it, you have a car seat, a stroller and/or carrier, and a swing or chair.
Car Seat: If you are purchasing this, consider a convertible car seat that will last from infancy through toddlerhood. If you are in a city where driving is a very unrealistic option, consider borrowing one from a friend for the trip home. If you buy an infant car seat you can use it in your house too. Most rock when placed on a hard wood floor and gently nudged and make baby feel pretty cozy, so it can be a place to put baby down and bring from room to room. Most of the infant car seats also can snap into a base that makes them strollable.
Carrier: This is one of my absolute must haves. Babies who are carried for around 4 hours a day cried 43% less than babies who were only carried for approximately 1-1.5 hours a day. Want more information? Here is a great article from Dr. Sears on the many benefits of babywearing. There are wraps and slings, backpacks and front packs, structured and unstructured. Wraps are fantastic, but be sure you have a resource to help you learn how to use it. A local baby store specializing in baby wearing is a great place to get hands on instructions. Your doula or a fellow mom should also be able to help. For a first-time wearer without anyone to help guide you, I would suggest a soft structure carrier like an Ergo. It will last from infancy to toddlerhood and doesn't require much practice to use. Get the infant insert option for the first few months. This can also be purchased used or received as a hand me down.
Stroller: If you don't want to exclusively wear your baby, you'll need a stroller to get around. If budgets are tight or environmental engagement is high, I would recommend a used stroller. These things get beat up quickly, but also last forever. Meaning that a few times around the block your new stroller will look used anyway! You can save a lot of money and also help the planet by picking one up off a parents' board, yard/stoop sale, or craigslist.
Swing or Chair: There is a wide range of price points, bells and whistles in this category. In a most basic sense, you are purchasing somewhere to put the baby down. Some of these places that you put the baby down rock, swing, vibrate or bounce via batteries or human assistance. You can get a basic seat or a fancy one. The choice is yours, but it is a recommended purchase.
3. FOOD: Babies need to eat - all the time. Luckily, in most instances all you will need to feed them is a Mom and her amazing boobs. That said, if you know you will need to or want to bottle feed, be sure you have 4-8 bottles, a way to fill them (breast pump or formula) and a way to wash them (safe soap and a clean bottle brush). Because you are feeding a baby, you can forget that you need to eat too. One of the best things for new parents is nourishing, easy food. Consider starting a meal train instead of a registry or stocking your fridge and freezer yourself. I cannot stress enough the stress no or crappy food can cause.
4. PLAY: A set of keys is the equivalent of a laser light show for babies. They really don't need much to entertain them in the first few weeks and months. The best way for them to play is to listen to a loving voice, look at faces, and gently observe the world around them. If you would like to get toys for a newborn or infant, consider things with basic patterns, things that are black and white or things easy to maneuver like a simple rattle or small soft toy or lovie.
5. CARE: You'll most likely need diapers. Decide on whether you want cloth (the cheaper and eco-option) or disposable (the easier option). You should expect to go through 10-12 diapers a day for the first few weeks and months. Then it may reduce anywhere from 6-10, but trust that it still feels like a lot of diapers! If doing cloth, ensure you have the tools to wash them. If doing disposable, look for the easiest way to get diapers to you and consider a subscription service through Honest Company or Amazon Mom or a trip to Costco to buy in bulk.
Sidenote: If you buy a boatload, be sure to get a few sizes. Some babes grow out of that newborn size quicker than you might think and you don't want 260 size 0 diapers in your one-bedroom.
In addition to diapers, think about getting an all in one baby wash and some sort of ointment for infant massage and diaper changes. We are huge fans of organic coconut oil for both bods and bums. It also helps with everything from nipple care for mom to craddle cap for babe.
In terms of bathing, you can get an infant tub or sponge - or you can bathe with your baby. We did this for the first 9 months and still do sometimes. Taking a bath with baby is a great way for Dads to bond with a baby.
You'll also want to have a rectal thermometer and infant tylenol in your medicine cabinet because 3 a.m. with a 10 week old is no time to have to run to the drugstore.
6. REST: You and the baby will need a place to sleep and rest. Many people looking to pair down don't get a bassinet as it is outgrown quite quickly, and very few parents start the baby out in a crib, because it is easier to have them next to you for round the clock feedings and diaper changes. A few options for the first few weeks and months include an arms rest or snuggle nest side car co-sleeper, a convertible pack'n'play, a rock'n'play, a crib or mini crib and/or a clear understanding of safe bed sharing practices if you decide that baby sleeps with mom in bed.
7. SUPPORT: All new parents need and deserve some support whether from your medical team, a postpartum doula, your family, friends or neighbors. Think about the people in your life who may be able to answer an "Is this normal?" question or bring over dinner and walk the dog. This new baby thing can be hard, but please trust that you are enough and know that you are not alone.
There are literally thousands of other things one could get, but That is my list for musts in the modern world.
Anything we've forgotten?
L+L,
Ali